Respect vs Invalidation

This particular blog has been one that I have avoided writing today mostly because I have no idea where to start.

So I decided to reread the module to get a feel of where to go around this topic. The course notes start with How do we treat ourselves and others. For the most part I feel I treat others pretty good, but whose definition am I basing this on: What I believe treating people consists of?, What show up for me to prove or disprove that how I am treating people is working?, or are either of these questions at the heart of respect or invalidation to examine at all? I constantly think, checkout, examine, reexamine, then decide whether I will continue to follow a particular path in dealing with someone or an idea. I now realize that I have wasted a lot of mental energy and made not much progress in this area. I am saying this because I see the only reliable guides are my feelings to determine whether I am “being” respected or am I “being” invalidated.

The tangible evidence is how people or life is treating us, or is it? I do not feel others can invalidate nor can they validate us unless we choose to view as such. Validation or invalidation can be a result of our reactions to the interaction of what we believe about ourselves showing up in our lives. When we make decisions that are based on reaction, the feelings of invalidation can arise. But decisions based on reactions can also cause feelings of respect as well. So thinking about what is respect or invalidation to me is not a 100% guarantee of knowing for sure but it is a good place to start. The mystics say that to look outside for love is not the way, but to discover our own unique relationship, our contribution to the world, to create our divine structure of manifesting love externally, is the way to true happiness. Of course there is no written road map: follow to this point, turn here, get rid of this, add more of that, stir and wait. Or can this be a map to guide us along? I do believe and feel that it is when we are in love with our true nature, it is then we know that we are always being respected and validated and the universe will reveal that discovery to us as beautiful events and people in our lives. As most of us are not there yet (myself included), I liked this particular modules conversation on this topic and wanted to share it.

The module states: Standards are levels of behavior we choose for ourselves and they are based on experience, education and reason. Next Personal Boundaries are discussed. In order for personal boundaries to work we must first be clear on what our limits are and then communicate them clearly to others. Once you are clear about your limitations, you will have to do less explaining time and again, boundaries are about what others cannot do to you or to your surroundings, they are set up to show respect towards yourself and others. So standards and personal boundaries are necessary tools to assist us in learning to respect ourselves and to show others respect as well, for you must show respect to get respect.

This is where I can begin to see if my standards are in alignment with my boundaries and vice versa and surprise, some are not. I allow my family to get away with things that I would never let a friend get away with. And I allow friends to get away with things that I would never let my family get away with. Certain work situations I might compromise on and others never. The cause of the flipflop: fear of being not liked/needed or pushed aside. And here is where I will begin a journey to know and love myself better. Which leads me to tomorrows blog which will be Commitment vs Trying.